Fire Billy?

The Fake Gimel Martinez comes from a real-life family of UK fans. This season Fake Gimel will share some of the conversations he has with his real-life father (pseudonym: Big Floppin’ Rob Locke) and his uncle (pseudonym: Uncle Roger Hardin) in this “The Shaw Smith Brotherhood” column. You can join in on the family’s discussion by posting in the comments. Enjoy!

Fake Gimel:

For this first edition, I wanted to take a moment and give a few semi-anonymous details about my family. My dad (Big Floppin’ Rob Lock), my uncle (Uncle Roger Hardin) and I were raised to be diehard Wildcat fans by their father/my grandfather, who I named Pepaw when I was 2 years old. Pepaw taught us how to watch basketball critically and the art of screaming at the ref through the television. Back in June of 2000, Pepaw passed away. I imagine him in heaven, where he is probably still jawing about Randolph Morris’ 3rd personal foul in the 2007 NCAA Second Round game. (In his eyes, the Wildcats could do no wrong.)

Both Uncle Roger and I are real-life alumni of the University of Kentucky. Uncle Roger and my dad live in Western Kentucky, while I live in Lexington. Uncle Roger and dad also have a sister, who recently married a Hoosier; “Uncle Digger” is a great man despite being a Notre Dame and Indiana fan. When I go visit family, we spend considerable time discussing basketball instead of family matters. Hopefully you readers will enjoy these conversations, and feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Alex Legion’s Mom

First up, is this story in the Lexington Herald-Leader about new Wildcat Alex Legion and his mother, who claims to have the gift of prophecy. This is one the more interesting quotes I saw in the article:

Perhaps to help that spiritual aspiration along, she said, she calls her son every night so they can review a different Bible verse. She also puts “holy oil” in the basketball shoes of her son and his roommate, fellow freshman Patrick Patterson.

Are you guys now officially worried that Patrick Patterson is going to have foot problems? Also, what do you think about Ms. Legion and her potential involvement with the UK Basketball team?

Uncle Roger Hardin:

At least she is using “holy oil” and not snake oil or some other cult thingy. I wonder if she can cook and maybe she could bring them some Chunky Soup like Donovan McNabb’s Mom.

Fake Gimel:

I was thinking more that she’d be leading Bible studies at 11PM Saturday night, while the impatient team worries that the 20 Hootchies they’ve hidden in their rooms will be discovered.

Big Floppin’ Rob Locke:

Alex Legion’s mom should stay away from the team because, she is a fruitcake! Here is a video clip from the fruitcake lady.

Fake Gimel:

In all sincerity, I do respect her sold-out commitment to her faith. But I wonder how that affects Alex’s spiritual walk AND his commitment to the basketball team. We all joke that basketball is a religion around here; but to the players, they really do have to be completely dedicated to the team. Plus you gotta remember that some of the player-bonding experiences will probably be in unGodly situations — parties with underage drinking, etc. I’ve haven’t heard Alex talk about this, so I wonder how he handles situations like that with his mother. Same as any other kid dealing with a very-religious parent?

IU Coach Samson in Phone Trouble Again

Fake Gimel:

We all heard that Kelvin Sampson’s back in trouble again. First off, somebody needs to call Uncle Digger, and about half-way through the conversation, say, “hey, Digger, I’ve got Kelvin Sampson on the other line, mind if I patch him through?”

What are the Indiana fans saying around you? Are they concerned that he might ruin IU’s image? How it looks compared to how Bobby Knight was run out of Bloomington? Or do they just want this to go away and start playing basketball?

Uncle Roger Hardin:

I don’t think Digger is very high on Sampson just like the other Indiana fan — sorry fans. I really don’t know or associate with Indiana fans so I don’t know what they are saying. I one Indiana fan I knew turned out to be a Bobby Knight fan and now he roots for Texas tech, go figure.

I don’t Indiana fans are ready to turn on Sampson yet, but give him a couple of years of not producing and they’ll turn on him faster than you can say “Mike Davis”.

Big Floppin’ Rob Locke:

They only had 100 infractions, that’s not bad for Hoosiers is it?

Fake Gimel:

I think Kentucky has more of a history of cheating than Indiana. I’ve heard little passing jokes on the Interwebs about Eric Gordon’s new Lexus, so maybe they’re implementing Eddie Sutton-level cheating as well.